Hello, my name is Anya, and I am excited to start my first blog! Here, I intend to share my thoughts regarding my process of recovery from anorexia nervosa. I hope this might be useful for someone going through a similar experience, as I know how important it was (and sometimes still is) for me to recognize that I was not the only one whose anorexia manifested itself in certain “unconventional” ways, which helped me challenge the deep-rooted anosognosia that posed a major obstacle to my recovery. Moreover, one of my intentions with this blog is to raise awareness regarding anorexia and and its many forms, which unfortunately are very easy to hide in the thinness-, fitness-, diet-obsessed modern Western society.
I have discovered that full recovery from anorexia is not simply reaching an “ideal weight” or eating a certain way — it is becoming the person you are without your eating disorder. When I was a child, my grandmother once said about me, “I have never met anyone more comfortable in their own skin.” This is what inspired the title of my blog. I will consider myself fully recovered when I again totally own my body and see it not as something that must conform to particular standards, but as my vehicle for experiencing life.
My history with anorexia began six years ago, when I was in middle school. Over the years, it changed and adapted, intensified and weakened, but always maintained a haunting presence in my life. Almost half a year ago, I finally committed to recovery and surprised everyone (including myself) by quickly making significant physical and mental progress. I still sometimes have doubts, and I sometimes miss my thin body, but when I see how much recovery has healed my relationships and made me myself again, I know I made the right decision.
Before concluding this post, I would like to express my gratitude to Tabitha Farrar, whose videos, blog and podcast have inspired me countless times to continue to choose recovery despite feelings of guilt, anxiety, doubt, and physical discomfort.
In the coming weeks, I will be writing posts on a variety of topics regarding my experience with anorexia and recovery, including convincing myself the rules didn’t apply to me (spoiler alert: they did), “Ashtangarexia” (when yoga became my eating disorder’s best friend), and choosing the right priorities at the right time. I hope you will join me.
In My Skin 